siDz | SysStream

Well

Today was the final preparation for them as the wakil of WP Kuala Lumpur to the competition this Friday @ Negeri Sembilan. Guess what? I was the first ever non-teacher to be selected as the Guru Pembimbing for Kuala Lumpur in the competition. How great is that?

Tomorrow I have to attend a brief meeting with those guys at Putrajaya.

Well, while training those dudes at the school today, one of the juniors asked me about the prolonged rumour between me and Muslimatun. Hey. I look interested doesn't mean that I'm interested. Them came another poison: 'Kenapa abg siddiq tak couple2 dgn sesiapa lg?'. Damn, I was speechless. Everytime anyone asked me about that, my mind simply goes blank in a sudden. 'Yeala.. masa kat kolej ni la masa nak carik awek'. I wish I could bangkang, but my mouth doesn't seem to open.

After the training, I sat in the Bilik A, termenung for awhile just to realize that:

- I'm a jerk.
- I'm miserable.
- Even though I look happy; I sound happy, but I'm still miserable.
- I feel ultimately stupid when my aunts/uncles asked me about my so-called girlfriend.
- I feel tersisih when I go out with my friends, when their gf's always tagging along whenever whereever and whatever they do.
- I feel stupid when I'm in a shopping mall or in the cinema, because I was a sore 'loser' who came there alone.

I'm not a girl, the genetics that can choose. The one who can decide. The which who are comfortable as they are. The one who deceive. The one who rate the manipulation level of each guy's 'handsomeness', 'cuteness' or even they way they tackle her. Well for me, even though I'm not that handsome, great or something that brings flowers into their mindsets, it doesn't change anything.

I am convinced for now that no one likes (note: girls, as in greater like scale) me. I don't care. As long as I got my God, my family, my bestfriend, my friend. They care, not manipulate.

I do adore some person out there, but there's something that stops me. Something irony that bleeds from nowhere, stopping every single move I wanted to do. Maybe the time is not right, or maybe I'm just for no one.

Well I hope you guys have a great life ahead. For me, I don't have any. A solution always leads to another problem. I have hundreds.

I hope this blog post answer the question my junior gave me tadi even though there's zero possibility that she's gonna reach me here. I rest my case.

Now I shall go to my miserable bathroom for yet another miserable lame bath.