12.56AM
yela.. bila difikirkan balik, i am now at the bottom of my expectations. this semester i was too concentrating on biology ONLY. i've decided to play with biology because of the lack of knowledge i had in myself. i'm spared with a very, very late timing for college. with all these personal problems and et cetera, most importantly:
bila difikirkan balik: i came here to find a path for my future, regardless of ANY obstacles.
last sunday i had a bedtime chat with bawi. gah, we talked, talked, talked and there's a point where we actually discuss about Adirah. i somehow actually agreed to talk to him about her. i told him about the chronology of our relationship, how i loved her so much, how i put almost all my hopes on her. then i realized that, although we debated about this for some 2-3 hours, i saw an impression that i didn't think of, the generalization of possibilities of someone to change.
after that... pandang2 luar.. pandang2 jalan.. termenung for some while.
- my parents: they are constantly adapting to each and every behavior we siblings display
- the house: has been renovated for a few times yet/so far
- my bike (sayang I): previously it sounds good, but it kept giving me headaches lately
- my PC (sayang II): too. it kept giving me headaches, from grub failures, HD failures, and my sayang get her upgrade aswell :)
- zikri: has been previously a disciplined student, but now displays a brutal impression to others.
- raihan: kept trying for new stuffs. i'm sure her old friends will agree that she has changed aswell
- kl: new developments, new highways, new accessbilities
- my handphone (primary): Nokia 2100 > Nokia 3200 > Nokia i-forgot-the-model > Samsung SGH-i320N > O2 XDA II > Sony Ericsson W300i > Sony Ericsson Z558i
- me: i don't see any significant changes i made/wanted to change so far.
i'm expecting that my personal problems should fade away just like that aswell, but no. it kept getting bigger and bigger. its like a bacteria infection to my inner life. i have no one to, at least, discuss and make me more relieved for some moments.
in anywhere, in any circumstances, i walk alone. yeah, people do tegur me, but that's just a single-line tegur. i do almost my things alone.
adirah's image is still my default phone boot-up image. i found absolutely no reason why should i throw the picture away, so did why should i keep the picture anyway.
my PC and my handphone are the only thing I am very close to right now. sigh.. materialistic keeps thing running though.
bila difikirkan balik:
SAKIT hati ni.. memang sakit hati ni
maybe its time to look into a narrower path of my life. maybe the solution obviously ada kat depan mata je, i just overlooked at it. maybe...
i was wrong?
2:17AM
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