siDz | SysStream

Today. 20th November 2007.

I felt extremely stupid in these past days.

First of all. Siti Raihan.

Yet again, I was blessed with her blissful merajukness. Yet she continues to.. In my opinion, I didn't do anything wrong, nor is she. Is there anything wrong for someone expressing their opinion towards?. I believe in this continuously cruel and annihilating world, this thing really gave impact to somebody unlucky.

She just broke off with her boyfriend. That's really good. Relieves me alot. Its a very good move indeed, evading all costs while you can. I can see some personality change in her. Also, what can I observe is, she's in a very unstable condition. It was one of her finest moments in life, and somebody just wrecks it.

Haha.. Teens. Risk have to be made to move forward; gain experiences. Even I had those days too.. (reminds me of Caroline). It was a veryy long period though, and I survived.

Back to the story. I did nothing wrong, neither did she.

I was hoping for the usual cheerio up afterwards. We were actually talked like nothing happens. That's how our usual cases ends.

Maybe I was just kept giving advices on what she couldnt risk.
Maybe I was talking to myself all along.
Maybe she hates me.

or

Maybe I was just a stupid friend to be.

Yeah, a stupid friend to be. A friend who was in a perception of extreme stupidity. Maybe she thinks that all the time. Maybe I was just too stupid to be her friend. Yeah. Maybe that's IT. I'm just too stupid to be her friend right? RIGHT???



Yet anyway, by whatever she thinks of me, she's still my best-BEST friend to be :). I had lots of plans in my mind on the eve of 24th/12.

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The first one DOES sounds as bad as it is, but the second thing causes me more. It involves my credibility, my.. everything.

I did some major mistake that involves EVERYONE on the trip. Not once, but twice. I was actually thinking of suiciding on the way back to KL. I felt the murderous intention to kill myself on behalf of my slackness. On the highway, while I was traveling 130KM/H, I actually was thinking to just smash my bike through the woods to end everything. Yeah, settle everything instantaneously. This was my second time I felt this was since Carolines'

I'm sorry.

Details? Only my wife should know this.


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Today was my day. The first day of change. I didnt speak much on the training session today. Mr Muru was scared of my face today, I can see through his eyes. I took everything seriously today. Duh!

Usually, when I came through this situation, Raihan was the only person who I could depend. Now, everything just works perfectly as the qada' and qadar planned. Maybe the world just hates me. Who knows?

Life just kept getting more cruel everyday.






haihzzzzzzzzzzz................................


Well anyway, tomorrow, 22th November 2007 is the 4th birthday of the blog!