Ok. This is reaaaally problematic. I can't sleep.
Oh well. I haven't post anything for a noticeable period.
Today you ask?
This day is supposed to be the day where I fough with Mr. Aiman and Mr. Shahram about the letter thing. It's a very simple letter, and they're treating the letter like a threat to theirs. A major threat. That's when all hell break loose. The college's atmosphere changed slightly because of this. Yes, slightly, but in an obvious way. I can see the indians gather and discuss, discuss, and discuss till there's a smile in their faces. All these are happening in an alarming rate.
And I don't see a single word of my name broadcasted today. How wierd.
Well. That's their problem. I don't have anything to against of.
Okay. I single-handedly witnessed an accident right in front of my eyes a few hours before. It was 12.00 o'clock at m'nite I think. I was riding my bike with a generous speed and suddenly there's a car in front of me came from nowhere, losing control of the ride and starts swirling to the side. A loud kaboom can be heard. Victim? A motorcycle with two passengers. I was there first after the incident because I was like, just a couple of meters before them. The person who was driving the car was a women. Luckily, all the crash's participant was all chinese. Soon after, they were like, talking to each other in chinese. Linguistic barrier, again. Damn. I stood there miraculously stupid for a moment before continuing my journey. The scene was flooded with people soon after. The motorcyclist who drive the bike suffers some mild injuries, but the passenger was seriously injured, as in his leg. I can see some scratches here and there to both of them but it's not that serious.
I don't care about the injuries, but somehow I remembered how the accident occurs. Frame-by-frame. *shivers*
So, anyway. Talking about my life.
Caroline.
While I'm paralyzed with the lack of mobile technology, she managed to reach me via Zikri. How wierd. Isn't she supposed to be dead by now? At first glance, ignorance was my choice. Then soon after that, she told Zikri that she wanted to meet me. Various reasons attached. Okay, fine. Thursday, 27/9 it will be (tomorrow @@@@@@).
Yesterday, with a little help from my mom's phone and my ability to swtich simcards professionally, I managed to contact her via sms. The conversation just went smoothly before I asked her about her boyfriend, as in, "Hehe.. so, bf sihat?". She didn't replied to my msg for a long time. I had to call her to know what's happening. Do you want to know what she told me when I called her?
"*moans* sorry.. tadi tertido kejap."
That. I repeat, THAT, was an act of literal stupidity. I then sent her a msg regarding my frustration about her, and, somehow, she managed to *wake herself up* and replies to the msg. She told me, she don't have a boyfriend, and she wanted to explain everything when we met.
Okay. I swear to god this is her very last chance to prove anything that she told me before.
End of story. To be continued tomorrow.
'Sid-diq'. Haha. A taboo for everyone.
Afiq started the quick, high pitched Siddiq. 'Sssssssidiq!' Something like that. Now I'm hearing that particular version of my name in everytime we met.
And again. My classmates (is that correct?). There are a group of people I don't really knew about them in my class, and they started to shout my name in random intervals. It's like, we were discussing in my own group and suddenly my name was in range, coming from the back. But when I looked back, they eventually stopped.
These two things kinda pissed me off a bit. But it's fun, for me, to have my name unknownly spread across unknown distances.
Talking about 'Siddiq'. Siti Raihan.
Ok, I discovered her blog already. She finally and volunteerly gave me to look at it recently. I read it several days after. All the things stated in the blog is actually not surprising, as I was given numerous hints about that before.
Hehe. The blog will serve as a special nostalgia for us, in which, I once liked a person who is within the range of my 'someone' I prefer. Who is a very well a very kind-hearted person. A complete package of a perfect, ordinary life sealed within a female body.
And I wish she could think more. Majority of her friends don't really liked her to be with him, including me. I hoped that she will eventually consider her friends' opinions, which know her best than anyone else. You see, the problem is not her. Its his. There's a range of plethoras that we don't know.
I'm not comfortable with her unbased patience. I really, REALLY wish she would came out from her love life just for a moment and see the wider perception, the long-range impact, and most importantly, administrated her friends opinions. Sit in our shoes, what do we think about you. Just a little out-of-the-box judgment could deliver you to somewhere.
(COME OUT FROM THE BOX AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!!!!!111!11111)
But if that's her choice, then I don't have a choice other than to believe in her.
Oooops. Did I just wrote her name? =X.
And then came the Subuh's prayer call.
Stress
Monday, July 30, 2007
at
8:35 pm
dah. i've had it enough.
arini nye kes pon dah mcm ape tah. pagi tadi laptop asyik padam je tengah² buat kerja. tengah² buat proposal, bateri pulak out. padahal dah cucuk power adapter dah. xpe la, benda ni pon selalu kena, cuma unpredictable la. cucuk balik power, release tension dgn bukak naruto. haha.. dahla bukak speaker kuat. 1/2 daripada bebudak yg dok kat library tu join sekaki. habis je 1 episode, jenjalan kat kolej jap.
kat kelas SAD pagi tadi ada bebudak technical english. dok tengok2 aku mcm ape tah. pkl 11 diorang nye final, pkl 11.45 diorang dah keluar. pelik gila. mr shahram bagi soalan senang sgt ke?.
habis je diorang nye final, diorang kena settlekan loan PTPTN. kena isi borang online ape tah. haa.. nasib baik aku x ambek PTPTN/MARA. dahtu, jumpa lak si sarah. mula la gedik dia. "siddiq.. jom ar makan kat bawah.." sambil pegang2 siku. ape dia ingat aku ni anak patung? i've had it enough with girls. reply: pandang dia sampaila dia pandang tempat lain, pastu sesenyap gi turun makan. pe-sai-ko-lo-gi
kat lif lak, perasan yg dia nak turun g makan gak. ah sudah. ingat nak makan belakang maybank, tapi teringat exam pkl 2, padahal masa tu dah pkl 12.45. so terpaksa makan kat tingkat 9. lepas ambek lauk, tengok2 dia dah duduk kat meja. hadiuh.. terpaksa duduk sana makan pelan2. nasib baik man dgn L ada. bole concentrate makan.
habis je makan, terus duduk kat pc receptionist. wani tgh baca nota SAD masa tu, so join ar sekaki. tengah2 tengok nota interview, "weih.. masuk masuk..". ah sudah. dah nak start ke? tengok2 jam, oh aah. dah pkl 2.15. masuk library, tengok2 bebudak java tgh guna laptop. takpe la kan, bagi jela diorang guna. lepas ambek pencil box dgn sweater, terus masuk exam hall.
Dalam exam hall tu, ingatkan mr aiman ada, tapi boleh lak dia takde. mr alex pepuler yg ada. duduk je kat corner sebelah kanan, dlm 1 minit tu dah penuh sebelah kiri depan belakang. pandang2 semacam kat aku. nak mintak jawapan masa exam la tu. jangan harap.
so, exam start. soalan no 1 senang. tatau naper diorang mengeluh bila tgk soalan tu. yela, mana tak nyer. soalan 1 dah keluar soalan WFD. bagi situation 1/4 mukasurat lak tu. mana tak diorang pening. bila dah baca 2-3 kali pelan2, baru leh lakar sikit2 benda tu. tu pon tak confirm betul ke tak. rasanya betul. soalan 2,3,4,5 boleh laa.. jawapan yg bagi confirm betul nyer ar. cuma terdetail lak kat krtas jawapan. soalan no 6, "alamak.. 6 interview planning stage?" zz.. skip!. soalan no 7 confirm betul nyer ar. ah sudah, belek2 ingat kertas dah nak habis, rupanya ada 1 lgi bahagian. BAHAGIAN B!. masa tinggal 45 minit. ingatkan senang, punyalah susah. bayangkan, dah elok2 pilih soalan 1, boleh tukar soalan 2 sebab susah sgt. WFD dia pon makan masa 30 minit. pergh. tengok masa tinggal 15 minit. cecepat buat DFD. fuh, siap pon DFD under 10 mins. 5 mins? haaaa? cecepat buat structured english. senang je structured english, sebab aku ada advantage berbanding dgn org lain. tengah2 buat structured english, "okay, you may put your pen on the table. leave the hall slowly and calmly as you can". aaahhhhh... zzzzzzz... tengok balik kertas, baru buat 1/2 structured english. pandang2 kat sekeliling, tengok diorang semua dah mengeluh gila. mana taknyer, soalan banyak, susah, bagi masa sikit sgt. semua subjektif lak tu. tengah2 hurry nak siapkan structued english, tersentak. soalan no 6!. zzzz... cecepat selak soalan no 6, bagi 3 points yg dpt difikirkn masa tu, selak balik kat structured english. dah siap, tulis nama kat kertas tambahan tu. terus bagi kat mr alex.
kesimpulan: decision table x wat. haduih. x confident langsung dgn exam kali ni. lets see the final semester grade nanti.
keluar2 exam hall, tengok diorang dah mula berkumpul kat depan. tengok mula diorang pon dah tau yg diorang pon as stress as i am. tengok2 dlm library, mereng, man dgn L tgh belek2 PC aku. aik? mana sarah? diorang kan lepak dgn sarah tadi? kemas2 barang cecepat, masukkan laptop dlm nbeg, terus gerak. sebelum tu confirm kat am psl futsal nanti. haha.. aku panggil nama am panjang, 'ammallazi kuntum-bihi tukazzibuun'. aku sebut dari jauh pon dia boleh pandang2 cari mana aku.
kat bawah lak terjumpa lak dgn safwan. geng lama. wah.. dah kaler rambut keji ni. mcmana laa nak jadi suami yg soleh ni. lama giler x jumpa dia, dekat 2 tahun. biasalah, dia pon bz. ketua pengawas smkbtr la katakan. safwan ni sebenarnya ex-classmate sekolah rendah aku. dah habis borak2 dgn dia, terus belah.
adeii.. belum sampai traffic light monorail kereta2 dah wat hal. hon sana sini. maklumlah, ada lori yg selamba halang green light. diorang lak tengah bz nak balik kerja. apa lagi, join la sekaki. hon2 tak bertempat sambil gelak2 dgn mereng. sambil2 gelak boleh lak teringat psl exam tadi. terus terhenti gelak. lampu hijau je apa lagi, masuk gear terus pulas habis. gila, tadi memang hampir2 gila nak langgar kereta accord. nasib baik bila nampak je kereta tu berhenti terus lepas gear. zzz... mereng kat belakang dah "relex siddiq.. relex". adeii.. aku pon fikir balik apa yg aku buat. kat tetengah jalan pon bole emosi terganggu. bawak laa pelan2 lepas tu. xkesah la jam.
sampai je rumah, terus bukak pc. gmail ada 12 email. 11 dari friendster, 1 dari myspace. friendster tu kebanyakannye new comments. malas ar nak reply comment2 tu. myspace lak ada org nak add kat friend. lagilaa malas. bukak stokin, basuh muka. bukak kipas, tido. penat sesgt.
sarah boleh lak sms tetengah tido. zzzzz.. letak balik henset kat tepi pc, tido balik. sarah ni, yg buat aku suka dia, cara dia sebut nama aku. 'siddiq'. bkn mcm org2 lain, yg panggil sid, sidek, etc. kat dunia ni, hanya ada beberapa org je yg panggil aku perfectly 'sid-diq'. Sarah, Siti Raihan, etc. i liked all of them.
berckp psl siti, semalam antar msg kat dia, x reply. antar lagi sekali semalam. x reply. antar msg lagi sekali pagi tadi, terus offline. mana taknyer, tengah2 aku tension, perlukan seseorang nak berborak, release tension, dia lak xder.
bangun tido, solat asar, aik? bilik pon lupa nak sambung kemas. aritu tetengah kemas boleh lak ondaway ada kerja lain. zz..
caroline suzanne. masa tido ada keeluar dia. lepas tido aku terus sms dia. "hey carol. are u free this week? can we meet?". padahal sebelum tu nak hantar msg nak tanya psl status sekarang, takut dia kecik ati. bila terfikir balik ape perasaaan dia bila dpt msg panjang lebar ni, terus padam semua, tulis line tu je. padahal dah lama gila x keluar dgn dia, dekat 2-3 bulan dah. dia pon reply 10 minit lepas tu, "i am juz arrived blabla".. entahla, lately dia reply semua sms in english. english dia kalau ok takper la. ingatkan ada la peningkatan sikit, rupanya still penuh dgn manglish. tapi ok la, english adaptation in the early phase of life. dia ckp ari khamis free, boleh, dia pon ada benda nak cakap kat aku. hee~ sukanyer. bayangkanlah. a simple sms mcm tu dah boleh gembirakan aku walaupun sms tu membimbangkan.
tu baru arini. minggu lepas/bulan ni malas nak conclude.
oh aah. mr aiman bagi aku assignment yg.. memang susah ar. kena wat proposal utk networking kat lab guna open source + vista. ntah camne la nak integrate dua2 tu. benda ni belajar tahun depan, dia bagi sekarang. mengigau cari kat sourceforge project mana yg sesuai semalam. dahla dia suruh guna knoppix. ntah apela yg best sgt dgn knoppix tu.
esok ingat nak singgah sekolah dari pagi sampaila petang. nak tido kat bilik B kat bilik UBK. memang dah planned pon sebenarnya.
eh.. rambut aku dah panjang? dah mcm mel gibson je, sikat kebelakang xhabis2. org yg last yg berjaya buat aku potong rambur is, caroline. ingat lagi, it was 2 years past. dia ckp, "rambut sid dah panjang arr.. potong la kasi kemas sikit". aku pon ape lagi, esok gak aku potong. lepas tu aku potong dgn rela hati/ikut peraturan pengawas. lepas dari form 5, sampai sekarang xpenah2 potong rambut lagi.
p/s: lega sikit bila baca sms carol balik tadi sbb nak catit dlm blog. rasa mcm hepi je. :D
arini nye kes pon dah mcm ape tah. pagi tadi laptop asyik padam je tengah² buat kerja. tengah² buat proposal, bateri pulak out. padahal dah cucuk power adapter dah. xpe la, benda ni pon selalu kena, cuma unpredictable la. cucuk balik power, release tension dgn bukak naruto. haha.. dahla bukak speaker kuat. 1/2 daripada bebudak yg dok kat library tu join sekaki. habis je 1 episode, jenjalan kat kolej jap.
kat kelas SAD pagi tadi ada bebudak technical english. dok tengok2 aku mcm ape tah. pkl 11 diorang nye final, pkl 11.45 diorang dah keluar. pelik gila. mr shahram bagi soalan senang sgt ke?.
habis je diorang nye final, diorang kena settlekan loan PTPTN. kena isi borang online ape tah. haa.. nasib baik aku x ambek PTPTN/MARA. dahtu, jumpa lak si sarah. mula la gedik dia. "siddiq.. jom ar makan kat bawah.." sambil pegang2 siku. ape dia ingat aku ni anak patung? i've had it enough with girls. reply: pandang dia sampaila dia pandang tempat lain, pastu sesenyap gi turun makan. pe-sai-ko-lo-gi
kat lif lak, perasan yg dia nak turun g makan gak. ah sudah. ingat nak makan belakang maybank, tapi teringat exam pkl 2, padahal masa tu dah pkl 12.45. so terpaksa makan kat tingkat 9. lepas ambek lauk, tengok2 dia dah duduk kat meja. hadiuh.. terpaksa duduk sana makan pelan2. nasib baik man dgn L ada. bole concentrate makan.
habis je makan, terus duduk kat pc receptionist. wani tgh baca nota SAD masa tu, so join ar sekaki. tengah2 tengok nota interview, "weih.. masuk masuk..". ah sudah. dah nak start ke? tengok2 jam, oh aah. dah pkl 2.15. masuk library, tengok2 bebudak java tgh guna laptop. takpe la kan, bagi jela diorang guna. lepas ambek pencil box dgn sweater, terus masuk exam hall.
Dalam exam hall tu, ingatkan mr aiman ada, tapi boleh lak dia takde. mr alex pepuler yg ada. duduk je kat corner sebelah kanan, dlm 1 minit tu dah penuh sebelah kiri depan belakang. pandang2 semacam kat aku. nak mintak jawapan masa exam la tu. jangan harap.
so, exam start. soalan no 1 senang. tatau naper diorang mengeluh bila tgk soalan tu. yela, mana tak nyer. soalan 1 dah keluar soalan WFD. bagi situation 1/4 mukasurat lak tu. mana tak diorang pening. bila dah baca 2-3 kali pelan2, baru leh lakar sikit2 benda tu. tu pon tak confirm betul ke tak. rasanya betul. soalan 2,3,4,5 boleh laa.. jawapan yg bagi confirm betul nyer ar. cuma terdetail lak kat krtas jawapan. soalan no 6, "alamak.. 6 interview planning stage?" zz.. skip!. soalan no 7 confirm betul nyer ar. ah sudah, belek2 ingat kertas dah nak habis, rupanya ada 1 lgi bahagian. BAHAGIAN B!. masa tinggal 45 minit. ingatkan senang, punyalah susah. bayangkan, dah elok2 pilih soalan 1, boleh tukar soalan 2 sebab susah sgt. WFD dia pon makan masa 30 minit. pergh. tengok masa tinggal 15 minit. cecepat buat DFD. fuh, siap pon DFD under 10 mins. 5 mins? haaaa? cecepat buat structured english. senang je structured english, sebab aku ada advantage berbanding dgn org lain. tengah2 buat structured english, "okay, you may put your pen on the table. leave the hall slowly and calmly as you can". aaahhhhh... zzzzzzz... tengok balik kertas, baru buat 1/2 structured english. pandang2 kat sekeliling, tengok diorang semua dah mengeluh gila. mana taknyer, soalan banyak, susah, bagi masa sikit sgt. semua subjektif lak tu. tengah2 hurry nak siapkan structued english, tersentak. soalan no 6!. zzzz... cecepat selak soalan no 6, bagi 3 points yg dpt difikirkn masa tu, selak balik kat structured english. dah siap, tulis nama kat kertas tambahan tu. terus bagi kat mr alex.
kesimpulan: decision table x wat. haduih. x confident langsung dgn exam kali ni. lets see the final semester grade nanti.
keluar2 exam hall, tengok diorang dah mula berkumpul kat depan. tengok mula diorang pon dah tau yg diorang pon as stress as i am. tengok2 dlm library, mereng, man dgn L tgh belek2 PC aku. aik? mana sarah? diorang kan lepak dgn sarah tadi? kemas2 barang cecepat, masukkan laptop dlm nbeg, terus gerak. sebelum tu confirm kat am psl futsal nanti. haha.. aku panggil nama am panjang, 'ammallazi kuntum-bihi tukazzibuun'. aku sebut dari jauh pon dia boleh pandang2 cari mana aku.
kat bawah lak terjumpa lak dgn safwan. geng lama. wah.. dah kaler rambut keji ni. mcmana laa nak jadi suami yg soleh ni. lama giler x jumpa dia, dekat 2 tahun. biasalah, dia pon bz. ketua pengawas smkbtr la katakan. safwan ni sebenarnya ex-classmate sekolah rendah aku. dah habis borak2 dgn dia, terus belah.
adeii.. belum sampai traffic light monorail kereta2 dah wat hal. hon sana sini. maklumlah, ada lori yg selamba halang green light. diorang lak tengah bz nak balik kerja. apa lagi, join la sekaki. hon2 tak bertempat sambil gelak2 dgn mereng. sambil2 gelak boleh lak teringat psl exam tadi. terus terhenti gelak. lampu hijau je apa lagi, masuk gear terus pulas habis. gila, tadi memang hampir2 gila nak langgar kereta accord. nasib baik bila nampak je kereta tu berhenti terus lepas gear. zzz... mereng kat belakang dah "relex siddiq.. relex". adeii.. aku pon fikir balik apa yg aku buat. kat tetengah jalan pon bole emosi terganggu. bawak laa pelan2 lepas tu. xkesah la jam.
sampai je rumah, terus bukak pc. gmail ada 12 email. 11 dari friendster, 1 dari myspace. friendster tu kebanyakannye new comments. malas ar nak reply comment2 tu. myspace lak ada org nak add kat friend. lagilaa malas. bukak stokin, basuh muka. bukak kipas, tido. penat sesgt.
sarah boleh lak sms tetengah tido. zzzzz.. letak balik henset kat tepi pc, tido balik. sarah ni, yg buat aku suka dia, cara dia sebut nama aku. 'siddiq'. bkn mcm org2 lain, yg panggil sid, sidek, etc. kat dunia ni, hanya ada beberapa org je yg panggil aku perfectly 'sid-diq'. Sarah, Siti Raihan, etc. i liked all of them.
berckp psl siti, semalam antar msg kat dia, x reply. antar lagi sekali semalam. x reply. antar msg lagi sekali pagi tadi, terus offline. mana taknyer, tengah2 aku tension, perlukan seseorang nak berborak, release tension, dia lak xder.
bangun tido, solat asar, aik? bilik pon lupa nak sambung kemas. aritu tetengah kemas boleh lak ondaway ada kerja lain. zz..
caroline suzanne. masa tido ada keeluar dia. lepas tido aku terus sms dia. "hey carol. are u free this week? can we meet?". padahal sebelum tu nak hantar msg nak tanya psl status sekarang, takut dia kecik ati. bila terfikir balik ape perasaaan dia bila dpt msg panjang lebar ni, terus padam semua, tulis line tu je. padahal dah lama gila x keluar dgn dia, dekat 2-3 bulan dah. dia pon reply 10 minit lepas tu, "i am juz arrived blabla".. entahla, lately dia reply semua sms in english. english dia kalau ok takper la. ingatkan ada la peningkatan sikit, rupanya still penuh dgn manglish. tapi ok la, english adaptation in the early phase of life. dia ckp ari khamis free, boleh, dia pon ada benda nak cakap kat aku. hee~ sukanyer. bayangkanlah. a simple sms mcm tu dah boleh gembirakan aku walaupun sms tu membimbangkan.
tu baru arini. minggu lepas/bulan ni malas nak conclude.
oh aah. mr aiman bagi aku assignment yg.. memang susah ar. kena wat proposal utk networking kat lab guna open source + vista. ntah camne la nak integrate dua2 tu. benda ni belajar tahun depan, dia bagi sekarang. mengigau cari kat sourceforge project mana yg sesuai semalam. dahla dia suruh guna knoppix. ntah apela yg best sgt dgn knoppix tu.
esok ingat nak singgah sekolah dari pagi sampaila petang. nak tido kat bilik B kat bilik UBK. memang dah planned pon sebenarnya.
eh.. rambut aku dah panjang? dah mcm mel gibson je, sikat kebelakang xhabis2. org yg last yg berjaya buat aku potong rambur is, caroline. ingat lagi, it was 2 years past. dia ckp, "rambut sid dah panjang arr.. potong la kasi kemas sikit". aku pon ape lagi, esok gak aku potong. lepas tu aku potong dgn rela hati/ikut peraturan pengawas. lepas dari form 5, sampai sekarang xpenah2 potong rambut lagi.
p/s: lega sikit bila baca sms carol balik tadi sbb nak catit dlm blog. rasa mcm hepi je. :D
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