As usual. Year 2010. Oh god...DAMN I'm getting older.
Oh, yes. I'm still with the crappy company. We work like hell and they pay us like real dipshit. Welcome to the new world of modern slavery, where we don't actually realized we're being used to the max. Where we don't actually being treated as a worker equally. Where our achievements are looked as another opportunity to them.
I have no idea what's on their right mind to enforce a half-day working day for Saturdays. That just pisses me off like shit.. They actually have no idea what they're doing. And, I don't see any outcome or advantage or benefit for them to enforce a jailtime for us on Saturdays, unless we have some serious work to be done (read: mega-billion projects, architectural designs, some real planning shit). We are humans too, we have our social life on our weekends. We are NOT a crappy service industry company. Even people who worked in governments where they've been forced to work on Saturdays (lolol servants) have their own off days/leisure time or they have their own shifts.
Haihz.. too much talk. In conclusion, I am straight against this bullshit idea and going to retaliate back by this/next week for sure. MARK MY WORDS OUR LOVELY FLOWERS.
Ok. Today is the most crappiest day I've ever had. No day but today I suffered gigantic amount of hatred, frustration, rage, stress, depression and so much more. The day these huge pile of shit thrown at me overflows to the border. GodDAMN I feel like shouting to everybody like never before. I never felt rage as hard as today. Thanks to these chain of events that happens to screw/test myself time over time.
1. Maybe because of the Server's room aircond kot. It screwed up today. I had to sit in the mini-oven jail cubicle from morning till evening. Hot. I become dehydrated but in the same time I weren't sure I was dehydrated because of the massive pile of works our lovely Mr Mahandra gave me. It affects my mood too.
2. I tried my best to stick with the company but no. There is no advantage at all for me to stay with the company.
3. I think this is the most contributive aspect of all. I think I've been used by a girl I liked. Imagine. I saw a person. I liked the person. I pinged her, she pinged back. We dated together for a period of time (No, its just a date, like any normal dates)
You know. I was happy being in the fact that I have someone to share my stories with transparently. I was happy for the time being.
Until I found out that she liked another person other than me. I cant blame her. Its totally my fault. But the deep psychological effect she gave me screws me up literally. I can't talk much on this. I really can't..
4. I have no close friends to share my story. NOW I see the reason behind the word "jangan simpan masalah sorang2". These problems that I encountered: they tend to keep rotating over myself without releasing it. Now I see the reason. I feel like my frustration and rage is slowly taking over my body. I can see the change I had in these past few weeks. I can see the change in my attitude, the change in myself handling over things positively (surprise! surprise! its degrading). I have NO self-motivation at all.
I feel like my ignorance has become ultimately high.
When I watch Naruto, I have no idea why Sasuke came back to his brother for revenge. I couldn't see a point at all, because I was so positive all time. But today, I truly saw the reason, the logic behind his reaction. I had enough with things around me.
The first things that piss me off tomorrow will get my new year surprise.
5. Adirah just moved from her house at Taman Len Seng to another place without informing me. It looks like I just lost another great friend. There's an old proverb: "you don't remember little scatches, they'll fade over time. you'll absolutely remember a deep stab indeed, just like it'll give you back a huge scar to remember for the rest of your lifetime." I was shaken by this news. I stood in front of my laptop like there's nothing in front of me.
6. The Prestariang guys screwed up my class. They tell shit to others, saying I'm this and that. I had enough with that. Tomorrow I will be going to Neo Cyberjaya, their office to smack their project manager in a meeting.
7. God. I have zero self-motivation. From little to zero, how fascinating.
I'm tired of myself. Please la. I'm tired of everything. I feel like swearing the shit out to everyone. I just needed one person to share my story, that's all. This time, today, that'll be my blog: always there whenever I needed.
I'm tired.
tl/dr: insanely depressed. no shit
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